What went down in 2013, in short, half-cognisant sentences.

The early half of 2013 gave me a shot of emotional and motivational adrenalin up the arm. (I think the last sentence was redundant, but you get it.)

And then by July, I got ill, was opened up, and said goodbye to my gallbladder. Life is great, my body is strong, but the hospital runs on money which broke my health card. Love came to rescue.

The month after that. complete clarity. the month after that month, complete chaos. I fought through it with characters and costumes and makeup. I have friends, and I and very, very lucky to have them.

Was still broke. Terribly broke. Was not able to achieve the goals I had set for myself on my blog, but real life and real feelings come before glamorous pictures of it in my mind. A tea party and cupcakes and conversation happened to me, and made me remember what I really, really wanted to do.

This christmas, still broke, but very very thankful for a lot of good things and serendipity. Still wondering how can I even give back to the Universe, but I suppose it'll happen when it's meant to.

Clarity is good. It makes me remember what I'd been working for the whole time, and damn how much I'd been off the mark.

I need to go back to what I want, and to put all my energy and love into what I really want.
This will mean I'll have to withdraw from a number of other big things I've attached myself to this year. They've been good to me. I've learned a lot from them about what it takes to do this kind of job, how fun it can be to be part of team, and quite a lot about myself.

This time, though, I need to go back to myself. I barely have enough time or brain energy now to even take care of my own things.

I need to go back to myself.
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    sleepy sleepy

Because good things need counting.

1) The fiction-writing bug has ceased to be an itch and has turned into a somewhat lazy, yet affectionate cat. There are less plot bunnies lately, true. Thing the habit to put down my ideas quickly is a boon, specially in somewhat awkward situations, like bathing, or dressing for work, or even waking up. 

2) This sideline guest-posting gig of mine still is still on. Playing by my business mentor's rules, it's sending out offer e-mails, waiting for a blog keeper to bite, and it's writewritewrite, BUT not until there's a YES, so sayeth the boss. It's playing The Waiting Game for me right now, and it's a good thing I'm sort-of juggling assignments. Seeing opportunities keeps the panic at bay. It's playing duck-paddle-crazy-under-thecalm-water for me. How do you do, pleasant weather we're having. 

3) Domestic bliss. James has been so surprisingly cheerful, bright, and adventurous lately. Wow! I have absolutely no idea what got into him, but I'm very happy he's happy. He's starting to compile article pitches in his head, and is starting to explore things outside his usual sphere of anime and gaming and stuff. He's been covering for me whenever I come home exhausted from a day of work, and braves a full kitchen sink of crusty frying pans and smelly trash everyday. He gets his RDJ-Ironman on whenever he scoops out the litter box, and he's completely cool about it. Aaaaaand he's also getting his writing on much more now. This lady is super-happy and proud of her man. 

Am I super-proud of me too? Well... 

4) To a degree, perhaps I am. I don't know, but this is a very pleasant, restful, and easy-going type of "I don't know". Right now, Life, I think, is playing with me the way an amused adult plays with an inquisitive baby.

"Look, I'll put a Thing over here, somewhere that's a bit tricky to reach, but you can see it, can you? Good girl. Now, I'll put another Thing here, right behind this other big fluffy Thing where you can't see it, but you can feel it and smell it. You're feeling you're way around it, and trying to figure out what it is? Excellent! Now I'll put this other Thing inside this shape-slot box where you can see it, and you know how to get to it, but this time I've made the puzzle just a bit different. Come on, give it a go, it should be no big problem for you. Oh, you're getting confused? Oh, but that's all part of the fun! Keep at it."

I think right now, I feel the Universe's quirky sense of fun, and it's a kind of fun that's Oh-I-don't-know-where-this-is-going-but-it's-FUN!-and-let's-keep-going-and-see-what-can-be-seen. 

At this point, the Me I knew a few months ago would be panicking and getting herself so worked up, she'd anxious herself into the emergency room. (living one of my mother's not-so-finest moments. Oy.) All this craziness is flying around me, and I'm blissfully calm and curious and giddy to see what's next, and I think this is progress. 
This is a good thing, I believe. 

UPDATE: THIS. This, just like this. Yep. 
  • Current Mood
    thankful thankful

It feels a bit silly to admit this, but I was hoping I had Dengue yesterday.

Why? Well, because I've always wanted to know what it was like to be confined. Nice big room to yourself, in bed all day, trying to get away with reading or writing or playing ball with the walls, possibly giving yourself a black eye, maybe playing truth or dare with the emergency button on the wall, making hospital food reviews... that sort of mayhem. 

Right now, I'm hungry, and there aren't a lot of lessons for me to give, so hooray writing. I've still to figure out how what a clever little girl wants from an erudite griffin, and how timid man blacks out from a blowjob, or if even does. 

Be back for lunch. I feel like sisig... but will not, and will get something dry, cream-free, and oil-less, because I want my insides to recover. 

Congee or lugaw sounds good. 


(To the tune of Beethoven's 5th.) 



Bananamon, bananamon, bananamon! 
Bananamon, bananamon, bananamon! 

BananaMon! Mon! Mooooon! 


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    hungry hungry

Counting Good Things

Small joys, because they make the entire picture a bit more interesting to look at.
  • The Irish gent who walks his ginormous chow-chow in the village. I remember passing by him resting with his dog on the curb, and catching him say under his breath, "Uh know y'need t'rest every now and then, doggie, but fifteen minutes is a might too much!"
  • There are quails for sale a stop away from the under-bridge. It makes me think of the Quail recipe in Like Water For Chocolate, and I wonder if I could bring myself to twist their necks and cook them in rose petals.
  • Our youngest cat weighs as much as a bowling ball. I think. A trip to the vet for a weigh-in and de-worming is in order.
  • Puffing life back into the blog. This one too.
  • Palengke pictures. I'm proudest of the candy-snack-store shot. (PS: wear your headphones.)
  • Current Mood
    thankful thankful

Resolutions I can keep

Ginisang Baguio Beans with garlic longganisa, flanked by other ingredients for Beef Stew.
(Remind me not to put so much Soy Sauce next time. Ergh.)

Resolution 1:
Make trips to the palengke a weekly or bimonthly habit. (Make it weekly, which leads to...)

Resolution 2: Include more greens, other veggies, and fruits in my diet.

Resolution 3: Get more creative with cooking. (And when I say get more creative, I mean using what I already have in the pantry or refrigerator and whipping up something tasty and healthy.)

Resolution 4: Save money.

See where this is going?

If you do, good for you, because I can't. What I just know is these are good things to do in themselves, and don't necessarily have to be a means to an end.

If the above four resolutions lead to others, then well and good. Eating fast food less? Well and good. Getting better kitchen mastery? sounds good to me. Eating healthier, and potentially losing weight? Cool; who wouldn't want that?

Right now, it seems my weekly menu staples are homemade daing na bangus, at least one crockpot dish, and a flavor-of-the-week custard. (last week was cheese, this week is hand-squeezed mango. Show those fruits no mercy!)

I downed an entire head of boiled broccolli with a couple pats of butter for dinner last night. Ye gods, half a pound of broccolli for P50. I guess you could say I practically stuffed myself with greenery, and ate the equivalent of a tiny shrub.  (Next time, I better curb my enthusiasm.) 

Right now, I'm aiming to make Resolution #2 my priority.  It's just a matter of elbow grease, resourcefulness, and imagination -- and a good eye for fresh produce, I think.

Make my heart go BOOM-BOOM-BOOM-BOOM

 Sleep does wonders. the last post was my Before, and perhaps (I hope) this is the After. 

Sunday went rather well, really. Adequate sleep does that to you. Saturday was a little bit paranoid, but sleep and a conversation with eclair was the Universe's way of saying "come one, little one, it's alright, no one's out to get you". 

Cue turning my mind off for a few minutes at 6:00am for no apparent purpose and writing out affirmations. The worries and anxiety of the day before felt like a volume dial turned down to zero. That felt good. Very good.
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  • Current Mood
    determined determined